you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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