She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
