Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
