Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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