I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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