dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
