there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
