Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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