Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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