Will you blow on my dice?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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