420 ftw
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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