if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
