God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
