No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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