I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
