You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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