I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
