hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
