Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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