i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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