six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
