Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
