Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
