guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
