Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
