it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
