it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
