I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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