Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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