I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
