I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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