one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
