you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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