You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
