you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think my moral compass just broke
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
