so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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