i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
