I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
