Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
