sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
