I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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