I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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