I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
