Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
