Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
