Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
