Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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