And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
