Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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