letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
