I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
