ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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