having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
